Photoshopped image of me on a large inflatable swan in a pool.

So this is Festivus, and what have I done?

Today is the 23rd of December, the day that people like me celebrate Festivus! I haven’t put up a tree for the last few years because I’m kind of grinchy and I hate tinsel. If you read my last post you’ll know I’m not a huge fan of consumerism, and you’ll be correct in assuming that my disdain is especially strong at this time of year when the air is thick with the fug of spruikers and carpark rage.
Photo of a pole wrapped in tin foil and standing up with brown paper wrapped presents at the bottom of it.
Today I put up my Festivus pole and while it’s not a true aluminium pole it’s still in keeping with the austere spirit of the day because it’s recycled; I used the cardboard tube from a bolt of fabric and wrapped it in tin foil. Despite its ad hoc nature it does have an impressive strength to weight ratio.
Photo of lots of brown paper wrapped presents with blue and green wool wrapped around them like ribbon.
In keeping with my frugal nature, all the gifts we give are wrapped in brown paper but I’ve also wrapped them in the wool I bought when I was convinced I was going to crochet every day for the rest of my life. (I have managed to make two hats and a scarf.)
A voucher that says "Happy Festivus. To celebrate the holiday season, a charitable donation has been made in your name to: The Human Fund. Money for People". There's also a photo of me in animal print togs photoshopped onto a large inflatable swan in a pool.
But the gift giving isn’t just restricted to my immediate family, no! I have also made a charitable donation in all of your names to The Human Fund. People love money and I’m sure they are grateful for this most benevolent present.

Festivus has a number of traditions, and one of my favourites is The Airing of Grievances. Considering our household only has two people, well, it can get a bit petty… but traditions are traditions. At dinner I plan on expressing to Nick in the most plainest of words how annoyed I am when he leaves the dishcloth in the sink and misplaces my possessions. I have other grievances to air but I’m not going to plan this speech, I’m comfortable with winging it.
A photoshopped photo of a pair of wrestlers. My head is pasted on the woman who is holding a man with Nick's head across her shoulders.
After dinner we’ll enjoy Feats of Strength, however since we’re a pretty egalitarian household the bout might require some negotiation. You see, Festivus can only come to a close when the head of the household’s skull is pinned to the floor and since Nick and I both consider ourselves to be the boss Festivus might drag on all year!

PS: Love you Nick!
PPS: I hope everyone enjoys their respective holidays!


  1. THANK YOU for making a charitable donation on my behalf! The Human Fund does such great work, and how generous of you — it’s truly a Festivus miracle.

    P.S. Your pole made me literally lol.

  2. Sounds awesome and I love your gift wrapping. So much nicer than gaudy, shiny gift wrap. Oh and thanks for the charitable donation on our behalf. You truly rock.

  3. This is too funny! My brother and I threaten every year to celebrate festivus, it gets my mother all riled up… Last year we got in major trouble because we removed all the branches from her fake tree! Your photoshops are the best!

  4. Ok, I love the poll idea. And the packages look awesome all dress in brown and blue with your specially addressed labels. Last year I wrapped everyone’s gifts in bags from Baggu. This year I didn’t order them in time and had to resort to shiny red paper that had been stored in the closet for some time. Happy Festivus!

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