If you follow me on twitter or tumblr you might know that one of my photos was submitted to a hateful and fatphobic (transphobic, ageist, etc etc) facebook group: “There’s a weight limit on leggings & skinny jeans.” I have posted photos of myself on the internet for years, and have copped a huge variety of flack (but WAY more compliments!) So I wasn’t really upset that someone had taken a photo I had posted to an outfit website, and submitted it to this nasty group, after all it was just a matter of time – and who knows, more of my photos could be posted in any number of bigotry-filled hideyholes online. I have heard so many jabs at my fatness that insults just sound like caricatures of other insults these days, but for many other people it is really upsetting and distressing.
Firstly, you know how I feel about body shame that is dressed up as fashion advice. It’s bogus. No one should be harassed, mocked or attacked for wearing clothes (or NOT wearing clothes). There is absolutely no weight limit on leggings or skinny jeans. There is, however, an abundance of people who are falling into a trap of being way too invested in what other people do, and wear. Why do they care so much? Probably because it gives them a sense of being better than other people, but that is a terrible foundation to build one’s self esteem upon. It’s a foundation that benefits business, not people, and it suits the beauty, fashion and weight loss industries to have every day people like you and I reinforcing arbitrary beauty standards that help shift units so people can feel better about themselves by putting other people down, therefore reinforcing arbitrary beauty standards (stop me before I get sucked into this infinite loop here guys).
I reject those arbitrary standards. I reject the imaginary line between skinny and fat, the line that’s a size 6 for some people and a size 14 for others. And if you’re friends with a fat person, they lose 4 imaginary dress sizes on the basis of that friendship (“Oh honey, you’re not fat! Don’t be so mean to yourself!”). I reject the beauty ideal. I reject the idea of the “flattering outfit”. I reject the gender binary. I reject being ladylike. These standards are not nobel things to uphold – they trap us, and constrict us. They push us into target markets so we can be sold things more easily. And while I can say with 150% gusto that I reject these things, I can’t help but toe the line sometimes without even realising. Societal conditioning is that strong, it’s that pervasive.
So when someone makes fun of me for: being fat, wearing “unflattering” clothes, looking like a man, being a bitch, having acne, not being polite or gracious, wearing too little perfume, wearing too much perfume, having gunk in my eye, wearing a t-shirt that shows my belly when I raise my arm, perspiring a lot or laughing too loudly… It’s totally personal, but then again, it totally isn’t. We all have a variety of unique and personal characteristics, and they might read a little differently depending on where you live, what you look like, how much you earn, the colour of your skin or what gender you are, but at the end of the day those criticisms are about hemming you in and disempowering you. I can’t even get angry at people who insult me anymore because I know most of us are conditioned to think this way.
I know for a FACT, despite the protestations in this particular facebook group, that seeing a fat person in leggings or skinny jeans will not cause injury. I’ve read quite a few comments from members who seem personally insulted when they see someone wearing something they don’t agree with. This is hyperbole. This is like when Mr. Burns (from the Simpsons) puts his arms in the air and flails them about. I like to imagine these people doing the Mr. Burns flail. It’s that comical to me. So, when I discovered the person who submitted my photograph to this group (please note, it’s NOT the group owner) I wrote her a message and I didn’t rip her a new arsehole. I just couldn’t, you know? Here’s what I wrote:
Congratulations for contributing to girl on girl hate by contributing to a fatphobic and anti-woman facebook group. I don’t have anything against you personally for submitting my photo, but I encourage you to look at yours and other women’s bodies more positively. For your own benefit.
I’m still going to wear skinny jeans and tights, because there isn’t actually a weight limit and I am fairly impervious to body shame these days. I don’t know if you’ve heard of body acceptance, or fat acceptance, but I’m an active participant within the movement and I invite you to come check out some blogs and open your mind to an existence where you are free to love your body, instead of feeling ashamed of it.
I don’t want to attack you, because body negativity is encouraged in our society and it’s pretty much the norm to make fun of people to make ourselves feel better. Funny thing is, it doesn’t work like that. I could call you any name under the sun, and you’d only come back at me with more names, and none of us would get anywhere. For sisterhood, for solidarity, I wanted to reach out to you.
Cheerio!
Natalie
I am so privileged to have so many supporters, and I received a metric buttload of messages yesterday from so many wonderful people who reported the group, and the use of my photograph. I can’t help but feel sad for other people who have had their photo posted without permission, who don’t have so many people reporting the misuse of their images. I tried to go through and report as many as I could, and I encourage you to do the same. I’m not linking to the group, however, just because I don’t want to give it too much publicity.
Today I discovered that my photograph had been taken down by facebook but there are hundreds of other photos still up. I’m grateful that facebook actually took notice of the literal army of people who reported my photograph on my behalf, but it’s still sad that the group is still active. I don’t know the best way to combat this kind of harmful attitude, but I think discussion plays a big role. That’s why I wrote a note to the person who submitted my photograph, and that’s why I’m writing this blog entry. I want to contribute to productive discussion, even though a part of me wants to call them giant dirt-sucking arseholes.
Let me promise you, and me, one thing. I will NEVER stop being visible, online and offline because not only do I have a right to visibility, but when I make myself and my fatness visible I make this personal. I get the impression that members of this group don’t think the people in the photos they submit are real, but they are. And they write messages and blog posts, and have the support of the Fat-o-sphere as well as other allies, friends and family.
It's too bad that groups like that exist, but you look great in your skinny jeans!
It's too bad that groups like that exist, but you look great in your skinny jeans!
I think you look great. You're happy and stylish.
I do think a lot of it is genetic. I have a friend who is my height, my age (29) and eats whatever she wants. I see her put away twice as much as me, food that is way more fattening, and she never exercises. I'm slim, but not super skinny. I eat well, exercise 4 times a week and have stayed the same weight since I was 20. I'll never be very big, because its not my build. I'll never be super tiny either. My Mum and Grandma have exactly the same build as me. Were/Are the same weight as me. Its purely genetics. I'd have to work super hard every day and have no fun to lose those “last 10lb”. I refuse to kill myself over it! I've seen girls who eat a lot less than me who are a lot bigger than me. Genetics play a big part in our weight/build.
What I'm saying here is we can never discriminate. Its unfair to discriminate over genetics. Its like telling someone they have an ugly nose: they can't help that!! Everything is beautiful in its own way. End of thought.
you're awesome! i like your cute outfit.
You are awesome! This is a great post, and it's totally true – there is no weight limit for any type of clothing. You're only limited by your own self-confidence. Keep on rocking!
Please don't let Facebook come off as a valid outlet for both opinion and class.
Facebook is stupid. I still don't know why I am on it, but those groups are made by people who have too much time on their hands and are virtually disgustingly intelligent. I don't think there is a weight limit to skinny jeans, as long as they are worn right. I'm not plus size, but heavier in the thighs, so I adjust by wearing them with long tops. It's whatever you look good in.
Oh by the way, some of the people who commented on here….WILDLY unintelligent…the stone age? Really? I mean Really?
You should delete those comments so as to save the blogging community from such idiocy.
**disgustingly unintelligent. whoops, not intelligent…..
Right on! I definitely support anyone who wants to wearing skinny jeans (though I personally don't find them flattering on *anyone*). I worked in “special sizes” (petites and plus sizes) for two and a half years at Dillard's so I'm well aware that you can look absolutely drool-worthy at any size.
Actually, those of us with slower metabolism and that store more fat than our thinner fellow humans are more likely to survive evolutionarily. Why? Because we're more likely to survive famine.
I'm sure there were fat people back in the stone age and others that would have been if they'd lived a modern lifestyle and eaten modern food–but everything the cavepeople ate was organic, and they had to move around–a lot–on a regular basis just to survive.
yay! great letter!
*hearty round of applause*
I was bullied as a kid for being too tall and too skinny, and I can only imagine what my fat best friend was going through for being too fat. I don't know what you went through in your life because of your weight. I don't know you. What I do know, is that I think you're amazing for taking that attitude with the person who sent your pictures instead of just being angry and offended and a bitch to her the way most people would be.
I admire your attitude and confidence. If I was Ani Difranco I would be inspired to write a song about it to get the world to hear about it. I'm not Ani, so all I can do is leave you a comment and tell you what I feel. Rock on, girl! Stay you, because I think (from the little I know from this post) that you are an incredible strong woman, at least when it comes to body image and being patient with assholes.
This isn't as important, but while I'm sharing my thoughts – I personally think you look awesome.
I was bullied as a kid for being too tall and too skinny, and I can only imagine what my fat best friend was going through for being too fat. I don't know what you went through in your life because of your weight. I don't know you. What I do know, is that I think you're amazing for taking that attitude with the person who sent your pictures instead of just being angry and offended and a bitch to her the way most people would be.
I admire your attitude and confidence. If I was Ani Difranco I would be inspired to write a song about it to get the world to hear about it. I'm not Ani, so all I can do is leave you a comment and tell you what I feel. Rock on, girl! Stay you, because I think (from the little I know from this post) that you are an incredible strong woman, at least when it comes to body image and being patient with assholes.
This isn't as important, but while I'm sharing my thoughts – I personally think you look awesome.
LOOK, I was born big boned and no amount of weight I lose will change that, so if you don't like it, bite it.
Woman, you are awesome. I have enormous respect for what you wrote and admire the courage it took to do so. Thanks.
I'm appalled that such a group exists. I've never worn skinny jeans because they feel kind of restrictive. But should I choose to do so, I hate to think that I can be subjected to public ridicule and harrassment because I don't fit a mold that the jeans are supposedly for.
It's just so disgustingly ignorant. You can't wear skinny jeans unless you're skinny? Okay then. You can't wear Fubu or cornrows unless you're black. You can't wear overalls unless you live in a rural area. You can't wear pleated skirts unless you go to a Catholic school. Or how about one that was actually a big deal at one time? You can't wear pants unless you're a man.
Yeah. That makes a lot of sense.
I'm glad you handled that horrid insult with grace for two, because I eschew grace when confronted with an ass-hat. Like the one who apparently knows what all people in the stone age looked like. Or the ones that have never seen a painting of Venus, depicted with teensie boobs and a pudgy tummy, because that was the beauty standard. Or especially the one who references persecuted, starved people in death camps during the frickin' Holocaust in a discussion about normal weight.
Being skinny isn't natural for the vast majority of people. Sure, there's the occasional woman who is naturally super-thin. And she looks great that way. But you know what? You can almost look at a woman who's naturally that way and a woman who's not, but has tortured her body to that size, and tell which is which. The naturally skinny girl looks fine. The other girl looks sick.
I'm not saying anyone is naturally obese. But obesity is not just based on whether someone fits a certain size standard; it is a medical condition that can be diagnosed by a doctor. And your doctor should be the ONLY person telling you to lose weight, or gain it.
Before I turn this into a comment to rival the post, I'd just like to point out: a caveman could beat these health-club nuts into the dirt and leave them there. Why? Because their lifestyle called for that kind of musculature, strength, and endurance. And because I doubt the caveman would take kindly to being told he was too pale to wear that loincloth.
NO I didn't “like” I clicked the wrong thing!! Natalie, I love your looks, I could never “like” any of the negative comments…. That being said. I'm “fat”…yes, state the bleeding obvious fool. When people are trying to describe me and opt for, plump, bit larger or even 'bubbly” (cos we ALL know that's a euphemism for FAT…riiight???) , I say, I'm fat, let's not pretend it's not what you are thinking. Let's not pretend I care either. I love me for me, I love you for you and I don't give a good god damn about a person's size. I'm happy in my skin and if you don't like don't look.
I wear skinny all the time and I love it and love it unapologetically.
Magic :-D
While I'm totally on your side about being up in arms about this Facebook group, I do disagree with a number of your points. There is a fine line between being accepting of your body and not caring. I will make fun of you for not being polite or gracious in social situations that asks for certain behavior. Someone opens a door for you? You say thank you. You don't have the latest gossip text/chat session with your girlfriends on your phone while at the movie theater.
While I may have read a bit too much into that portion of your post, I do not think there is any substitute for good manners and politeness. In addition, I will make fun of you for wearing clothes that do not fit. Shirts should meet your jeans, muffin top should not happen, and skirt lengths should be appropriate for the situation. I've never found crop tops attractive (even on thin people) and finding shirts that are long enough are certainly not difficult, especially with the whole tunic trend. I feel that I look better after gaining 20 lbs in college (a lot for me as I have a small frame), not because I was too thin, but because when I was thinner, I was wearing clothing that didn't fit properly.
Call me a byproduct of social conditioning, but how a person dresses themselves and how they carry themselves are how I first judge someone. While I have many friends that don't wear the most flattering clothes or may not always act properly, I recognize that they are still good people. But when I'm in a situation where I don't have time to get to know that person that well, I have to be able to make a judgment quickly. Job interviews are the biggest area where this is the case, even if it is just to flip burgers or something menial like that. Someone that dresses properly and is polite and acts in a professional manner is going to take things more seriously as a whole than the person that doesn't.
In today's consumer society, we simply do not have the time to not judge on appearances. In simpler times you were basically around the same people and knew who they were and what to expect from them. We do not have that luxury anymore. While it's nice and idealistic to not want to follow what we are socially conditioned to believe, it's generally there for a purpose.
(Sorry for the long rant! I had a capstone class to my honors program on consumerism's impact on society and we talked about fashion and body image a lot, so I have a lot of thoughts on it.)
REALLY? Look what you've done Natalie! Do you see what your amazing self confidence has brought out in people? People are fighting about whether cavemen were fat!
I think it's fairly insane that fights are occuring about how one becomes fat (or doesn't) when thats not even the problem. The real issue is we're all judging each other on everything…whether it's eating too much or not eating enough.
WOULD EVERYONE STOP JUDGING EACH OTHER, particularly over stupid bullshit. That's the whole point of Natalie's post.
You look at a person, or read their comments here, whether they are “fat” or “not fat” they are still a human being who came into this world the same way as you and will eventually leave it, just like you.
What that person looks like, isn't going to change this fact. What you choose to wear and how you live, isn't going to change that fact either.
So shut up, and let others be who they want to be before they can't anymore.
p.s. love you Natalie! Be visible!
I recently saw a similar Facebook group (can't remember whether it was the same one) where body shame was dressed up as fashion advice as you put it, and it bothered me to the point of changing my opinion of the “friend” who joined it. I hate the general idiocy (even displayed by one person here “arguing” with others' positive attitudes)! Anyway, props to your affirmation to never stop being visible. I think it can apply in many ways. I wasted so much trying to avoid harmful attitudes in the world. I think more good would come from being visible. Putting other people down to feel better is a way of wearing a mask, so people who do that aren't truly “visible” either.
“Muffin tops should not happen.” Uhm… some of us can't help but have a muffin top. I wear clothes that fit, I just have a large tummy. So, long live the muffin top, thank you very much. Besides, everyone loves muffins.
Monosyllabic responses… Way to show your intelligence.
I bet this fatty got depressed and ate some cake when she was featured on “There’s a weight limit on leggings & skinny jeans.” xD
Describe your concept of eating well, just because you ate one cheeseburger instead of two doesnt make it healthy. Also going to the gym means nothing unless you acutally push yourself to the breaking point.
How is obesity a sign of poverty? fast food costs 3 times as much as making a lean steak at home with fresh vegetables
Not true, I cant walk down the street only wearing a hat an no pants
LMAO you sound like cartman… keep telling yourself that, fatty
Oh shes visible alright…from outerspace
Fuck, I meant to flag this. Fast food is nowhere near as expensive as steak and fresh veggies–at least not on EARTH.
Besides, most poor neighborhoods–especially inner city ones–don't even have access to fresh produce.
Dear Natalie,
I think there was a difference of regional terms when I first replied to this entry. If by tights you meant leggings, then yes, those can be worn as pants. If by tights you meant opaque pantyhose, then no, absolutely not pants.
:)
What has society come too when looks and size is the be all and end all.
Why should girls (and yes there are a LOT of big guys out there too) defend themselves and their weight…it's absolute rubbish!
When is it OK for people to be so intolerate and racist again overweight people? Who gave them the right, who do they think they are?
What a very sad world we live in…no wonder young girls and boys end up either starving themselves to death or killing themselves.
Grow up people, you should be ASHAMED of yourselves.
Oh BTW Natalie, you look absolutely stunning!
Karma will out. :)
Kudos to you and your positive outlook. I agree that we need to stop the hate and need to start accepting that we are all different and that different is good. Vive le difference!
I want one too and I'm a dude (I am thinking I need to say that for some reason)
I have just started all of those Facebook groups :)
I think you are an amazing woman :)
I am a size 12, but I am looking fatter than I ever have before, but I don't care, I still wear bikinis and leggings and skinny jeans and shorts :) I don't care about the people who insult me, they arent worth thinking about.
I respect you a great deal, and I think you are BEAUTIFUL. I think you look fabulous in that outfit, and I swear to you, thats from the heart.
Much love! Beckie, 14, London xoxox
Good On You You Should Wear Baggy Clothes If You Feel Good In Tight Trousers Go For It :) x
Im a bit plump because i eat way to much for the lvl of exercise i get duh i feel the effects on my health if im honest as i used to be fairly fit i say if someone is fat and there happy who cares obv. no need to point out u feel they look stupid thats all realative anyway. unfortunately in the respect of image the realitive fails as every bugger watches faaar to much tv and reads far to many tripe magasines and shizzle so lets all just mind our own business ha.
Hi just wanted to let you know I wrote a piece today about women judging other women, one of the commenters quoted you – so I thought the piece may be of interest to you :-)
oh, here is the link http://www.sharnanigans.com/2010/05/blogging-wi…
I just found this quoted in a comment on someone elses blog… woah!… good on you!
You rock.
This is SOOO TRUE! I have a degree in public health. One of the courses in my program involved going out into the community (urban) and looking for grocery stores. There weren't any. The closest thing were 7-11s, which are like glorified gas stations. How are people supposed to eat balanced meals if there isn't reasonable access to fresh food? Our school started a farmers market that accepted food stamps. It was hugely popular! It just goes to show that people WANT to eat good food and if given the opportunity they will usually make that choice.
But why people are overweight in America isn't the point of this post anyway. The point is that we need to quit judging each other. Whether someone is overweight because she was born that way or someone is overweight because she chooses to be or someone is overweight for whatEVER reason, that doesn't matter. We need to spend our time lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down.
Natalie, you are one very classy lady.
You DO look amazing! <3 <3
You are awesome. That is all!
You mean like the Venus of Willendorf? Nope…no one in the stone age had ever seen a fat body.