If you follow me on twitter or tumblr you might know that one of my photos was submitted to a hateful and fatphobic (transphobic, ageist, etc etc) facebook group: “There’s a weight limit on leggings & skinny jeans.” I have posted photos of myself on the internet for years, and have copped a huge variety of flack (but WAY more compliments!) So I wasn’t really upset that someone had taken a photo I had posted to an outfit website, and submitted it to this nasty group, after all it was just a matter of time – and who knows, more of my photos could be posted in any number of bigotry-filled hideyholes online. I have heard so many jabs at my fatness that insults just sound like caricatures of other insults these days, but for many other people it is really upsetting and distressing.
Firstly, you know how I feel about body shame that is dressed up as fashion advice. It’s bogus. No one should be harassed, mocked or attacked for wearing clothes (or NOT wearing clothes). There is absolutely no weight limit on leggings or skinny jeans. There is, however, an abundance of people who are falling into a trap of being way too invested in what other people do, and wear. Why do they care so much? Probably because it gives them a sense of being better than other people, but that is a terrible foundation to build one’s self esteem upon. It’s a foundation that benefits business, not people, and it suits the beauty, fashion and weight loss industries to have every day people like you and I reinforcing arbitrary beauty standards that help shift units so people can feel better about themselves by putting other people down, therefore reinforcing arbitrary beauty standards (stop me before I get sucked into this infinite loop here guys).
I reject those arbitrary standards. I reject the imaginary line between skinny and fat, the line that’s a size 6 for some people and a size 14 for others. And if you’re friends with a fat person, they lose 4 imaginary dress sizes on the basis of that friendship (“Oh honey, you’re not fat! Don’t be so mean to yourself!”). I reject the beauty ideal. I reject the idea of the “flattering outfit”. I reject the gender binary. I reject being ladylike. These standards are not nobel things to uphold – they trap us, and constrict us. They push us into target markets so we can be sold things more easily. And while I can say with 150% gusto that I reject these things, I can’t help but toe the line sometimes without even realising. Societal conditioning is that strong, it’s that pervasive.
So when someone makes fun of me for: being fat, wearing “unflattering” clothes, looking like a man, being a bitch, having acne, not being polite or gracious, wearing too little perfume, wearing too much perfume, having gunk in my eye, wearing a t-shirt that shows my belly when I raise my arm, perspiring a lot or laughing too loudly… It’s totally personal, but then again, it totally isn’t. We all have a variety of unique and personal characteristics, and they might read a little differently depending on where you live, what you look like, how much you earn, the colour of your skin or what gender you are, but at the end of the day those criticisms are about hemming you in and disempowering you. I can’t even get angry at people who insult me anymore because I know most of us are conditioned to think this way.
I know for a FACT, despite the protestations in this particular facebook group, that seeing a fat person in leggings or skinny jeans will not cause injury. I’ve read quite a few comments from members who seem personally insulted when they see someone wearing something they don’t agree with. This is hyperbole. This is like when Mr. Burns (from the Simpsons) puts his arms in the air and flails them about. I like to imagine these people doing the Mr. Burns flail. It’s that comical to me. So, when I discovered the person who submitted my photograph to this group (please note, it’s NOT the group owner) I wrote her a message and I didn’t rip her a new arsehole. I just couldn’t, you know? Here’s what I wrote:
Congratulations for contributing to girl on girl hate by contributing to a fatphobic and anti-woman facebook group. I don’t have anything against you personally for submitting my photo, but I encourage you to look at yours and other women’s bodies more positively. For your own benefit.
I’m still going to wear skinny jeans and tights, because there isn’t actually a weight limit and I am fairly impervious to body shame these days. I don’t know if you’ve heard of body acceptance, or fat acceptance, but I’m an active participant within the movement and I invite you to come check out some blogs and open your mind to an existence where you are free to love your body, instead of feeling ashamed of it.
I don’t want to attack you, because body negativity is encouraged in our society and it’s pretty much the norm to make fun of people to make ourselves feel better. Funny thing is, it doesn’t work like that. I could call you any name under the sun, and you’d only come back at me with more names, and none of us would get anywhere. For sisterhood, for solidarity, I wanted to reach out to you.
Cheerio!
Natalie
I am so privileged to have so many supporters, and I received a metric buttload of messages yesterday from so many wonderful people who reported the group, and the use of my photograph. I can’t help but feel sad for other people who have had their photo posted without permission, who don’t have so many people reporting the misuse of their images. I tried to go through and report as many as I could, and I encourage you to do the same. I’m not linking to the group, however, just because I don’t want to give it too much publicity.
Today I discovered that my photograph had been taken down by facebook but there are hundreds of other photos still up. I’m grateful that facebook actually took notice of the literal army of people who reported my photograph on my behalf, but it’s still sad that the group is still active. I don’t know the best way to combat this kind of harmful attitude, but I think discussion plays a big role. That’s why I wrote a note to the person who submitted my photograph, and that’s why I’m writing this blog entry. I want to contribute to productive discussion, even though a part of me wants to call them giant dirt-sucking arseholes.
Let me promise you, and me, one thing. I will NEVER stop being visible, online and offline because not only do I have a right to visibility, but when I make myself and my fatness visible I make this personal. I get the impression that members of this group don’t think the people in the photos they submit are real, but they are. And they write messages and blog posts, and have the support of the Fat-o-sphere as well as other allies, friends and family.
You're not understanding — some people are just going to carry weight — unless they TORTURE THEMSELVES.
The way women can treat each other, it's VERY clear that it's OK to hate you if you're not skinny. It's hell, especially for young girls.
No one should have to live like that.
Yes, it's best to be healthy — but your weight shouldn't have anything to do with your WORTH.
fat
Your logic becomes confused when you claim that “arbitrary standards of beauty” that exclude most of the population benefit the fashion and beauty industries. Actually, the very existence of those mass-produced skin-tight beauties in your size shows very much the opposite – fashion trends that are, let's face it, NOT FLATTERING to most of the human population are actually a big loser to an industry that makes more money via more sales. Just imagine how many unsold pairs were destroyed because not enough big girls bought them. And I'm not blaming them, either. Trends don't suit everyone, bottom line. Not to say you don't look cute, you do, and if you can accept the idea that articles of clothing can be either flattering or not, it rarely flatters a woman to not show her shape no matter what her size. Finally, I just have to say that having an general opinion about what looks good or doesn't on a certain body size or shape is one thing – using a photo of a person without their permission to attempt to bolster the argument is disgusting and inexcusable. And just one more thing – I have to say that I really hate the fact that I just spent the last 5+ minutes responding to this post. I don't want to spend any time thinking about the visuals of your body, my body or anyone else's body, because I truly think the entire concept of “body image” should be a non-issue. Doesn't responding to this sort of critique in any way just sort of fuel the fire of body obsession? It seems to me to be a bit of a “she doth protest too much” situation.
You may be familiar with a book called Women En Large: Images of Fat Nudes. That book came (as big projects do) from many sources, but one of them was the canard common in the science fiction community in the 1970s that “there should be a weight limit for the purchase of leotards.” Plus ca change …
Thanks for being part of the solution.
Absolutely. The only people I've ever heard say “Well you're only fat because you eat poorly and don't exercise” are people who have not only never been fat in their lives, but naturally have the metabolism to maintain their skinniness regardless of what they eat or do.
I was born big and I still am big. I go to the gym for an hour 5 times a week and I eat well. This only works to prevent me from gaining anything more.
Regardless, throwing around the “I can make fun of fat people because there's an obesity epidemic” to try and justify the behaviour is absolutely absurd. Not only is any other adult's weight not any of their business; when it comes to children – making fun of them and what they so visibly represent is reprehensible and ineffective.
Yes, a great deal has to be done about the obesity epidemic. This involves making healthy food as cheap and convenient as fast food; educating children about cooking for themselves to the same degree we teach them algebra; taking subsidies away from the corn industry and generally changing the face of food production.
Making fun of fat people achieves none of these things; it just makes them feel sad.
AMAZING!!!! Congrats girlie. Being a size 26/28 myself, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my skinny jeans / skinny pants, and even leggins… Love it… And I look FABULOUS in them! Only time people shouldnt wear them, is when its the wrong size and obviously too small, but thats another topic. I want to thank you for this post. I am a new follower :D
Many fat people exercise and eat well. Many skinny people do not exercise or eat well yet people assume they are healthy. This is what fat acceptance is concerned with, amongst other things.
http://www.fatlotofgood.org.au/?p=221
So go find someone back in the stone age that was fat. No one was. There were people with bigger builds, but they were almost always men and they had big muscles, not fat. This crap that 'i was born fat' is just crap. Most likely your parents were bad eaters and passed those habits onto you, even if you swear you eat well.
And yes there should be a fat limit on skinny jeans and leggings. You're not doing yourself any favours by going I DON'T CARE WHAT I LOOK LIKE.
I notice a lot of people saying “how could they post your pic, you look fabulous!” And you do, but even if you looked absolutely horrendous doesn't mean that they had every right to create such a group or that they should republish your photo (or anyone else's) there. Your point still stands, regardless of your personal beauty.
Have the group admins cottoned on to the fame this article's getting?
I suggest you go back and read my comment – there weren't as many fat people in our history because of the reasons I gave. To explain further:
-Government subsidies on corn has caused corn syrup to become a highly fattening but popular ingredient in cheap food. Before this, cheap food usually meant grains and vegetables – not hamburgers and fries.
-Actually there were fat people all throughout our history; they were rich. They could afford meat and lots of it. Now, the norm has switched; skinniness is a sign of affluence and obesity a sign of poverty. This comes down to education, free time and the cheapest food available.
-Yep, my parents did eat poorly and did so all throughout me growing up. They both worked two jobs each and I grew up poor. Because of the lack of time and money in the household, we ate a lot of fast food. When I moved out of home, I lost 30 kilograms – though 7 years later, not much else.
-To do anything more than I'm already doing would eat into my work time and push me closer to poverty.
-None of these are excuses, they're causes. Causes we can actually combat as a society rather than sitting in the comments section of blog entries trying to strip fat people of the little self esteem they have left. Do you know what extremely low self esteem causes? Depression, not motivation. Suicide, not a 2 hour gym session. So just STFU troll.
You go girl…
My mom was always a smaller size when I was growing up.. my biological dad was heavy set, along with his mom, and his sister. So Im not saying I was born heavy, No. When I was younger I was a small child. We werent rich, we werent poor. We were middle class. Sometimes we were upper middle class. But still very much Middle. And we ate Ok. We had nights we would go out. But my mom cooked as much as she could when I was younger- altho it wasnt always healthy. When I was older, and old enough to take care of myself and my little sister after school, she took a job that allowed her to work afternoons/evenings, and have a higher pay.. but that meant most nights I was left to cook. or was left money to buy something. Alot of the times, it was not healthy. I mean come on, who goes out for healthy “fast food”…
Anyways, i want to say that you are right. Our weight has alot to do with money, and what is available…
And again, with back in history, those who were rich were heavy and fat. It was a sign of being rich. And still today in places like Jamaica – they like the big girls. They think your sick if you are too skinny. They love them a thick girl that they can hold on to. They say its a sign of wealth.
And if skinny people don't like fat people, why are they sitting in a comments section of a fat / big person blog? Get a life dude.
And I just want to ad. That I am a big girl today. And 90% of the time, I love my curves. I love myself. There are those times tho – and I am working on it – where I wish I was my weight before I had my son, which was still plus size, just a little smaller. So I am working to try to get down to that size again. However, there are medical conditions that get in the way. PCOS – polycystic ovary syndrome – which actually puts weight on. I was also on Depo (form of birth control – its the shot) which causes weight gain in a small percentage of people. I gained some weight on that. Also, I have asthma, and have had it ever since I was little. Even when I was younger. Plus, sometimes, genetics are the main factor. Sometimes it really is just genes, and sometimes you really are born fat.
Oh wow, i NEED one of those t-shirts!!!!!!!
To be honest, I usually hate the look of skinny jeans and leggings, but I think you totally rock them in your picture! I think it looks better than any skinny girl I've seen in 'em. <3 Win
“Go find someone back in the stone age that was fat. No one was.”
That's hilarious. I'm assuming that you've seen the photographic evidence from the stone age, then? I'm also assuming that you're also schooled in genetics and nutrition as well from your well-reasoned argument.
The grand majority of obese people in this nation are not obese or overweight because of some genetic defect. Only a very small minority have a true medical issue beyond their control.
Most people simply can't stop eating fast food, going to corporate chain restaurants, cooking things that come ready made and just require being popped in the microwave. We eat sweets like crazy. We drink energy drinks, sodas and starbucks like crazy.
The average person in America does very little physical activity. And hell, i'm not talking about a gym routine either. Working a garden would suffice, walking your dog around the neighborhood everyday rather than just letting him/her run outside. A good portion of us are holed up in classrooms and cubicles 40-50 hours a week, we go out to eat, and we go home and plant ourselves in front of the computer, the tv, or a video game.
Reality is reality. America has HORRIBLE dietary choices and horrible lifestyle habits. What people describe as “torture”, just means they have to break their grease, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and excessive carbohydrate addictions and actually eat real whole food, like fruits, lean meats, veggies, and whole grains. It means they have to get off their ass and spend 20 minutes to actually cook themselves a real meal.
It means no KFC Doubledowns, no drunken trips to taco bell at night, no re-charging mid-day stops at Starbucks, no special treat nights at Brusters, no lunch rush through McDonald's, no lazy Velveeta Shells and Cheese dinners, no Hungryman dinners, no Healthy choice dinners, no getting off work and drinking your dinner, it means not waking up and skipping breakfast all together or at best shoving sugar cereal down your throat. Giving up these things is “torture”. I know, I quit them. I quit them all, along with smoking and drinking and drugs all at the same time.
It's not ok to hate or be hateful to anyone. I see no reason in being mean, i see no reason to excuse those who are mean.
But I see no reason to make excuses for unhealthy people either. And i see no reason why class and tact, and asking people to have a little self awareness when it comes to their body type and fashion choices to be considered hateful.
There's a weight limit on certain styles. I don't see as a female-only issue.
I see no need to insult larger people. I also see no reason to make endless excuses for a nation with huge obesity problems either. Fat hate is just as annoying and wrong IMO as fat apologists and fat acceptance
When it comes to clothing decisions and style decisions, whether you follow the crowd or not, there is such a thing as having a little tact in the apparel you wear and how it appropriately fits your body type.
Too often do I go out in public or off to the beach and I come across someone 250lbs+ trying to dress like they're Brad Pitt or Paris Hilton, or whoever. Being big doesn't mean you can't dress nice. It just means certain styles aren't going to work. It'll make you look like a clown if you can't be bothered to have some self awareness, and you are deluding yourself by acting like you are making some political or culture statement by doing otherwise.
it's not about fat hate. It's about having some tact and class.
Legally, sure, anyone should be able to wear what they want. But thinking human beings are simply going to stop judging you based upon appearance is idealistic. Regardless of how right or wrong you might think it is.
If people spent half the time pushing healthy diet and lifestyle changes as they do making excuses for the obese and trying to change the way society operates to make them more comfortable (outside of calming down hateful comments), then I think we'd have a lot healthier society.
The fat apologists and ass kissers of the world are the equal and opposite of a general society that holds up this impossible plastic-surgery/air-brushed Hollywood and/or porn-star standard for everyone, and they are just as wrong and unhealthy for our culture IMHO.
Don't make excuses for people who live unhealthy lifestyles. Don't try to make life and society easier for them. Encourage a healthy lifestyle first and foremost. Not make them comfortable being walking heart attacks.
Don't bash people if they're fat. There is absolutely no need for hatred.
Kicking people while they're down doesn't fix the problem.
Don't hold people to impossible and unnatural standards of so-called Hollywood beauty either.
Good for you for sticking up for yourself Natalie! People who makes comments like that are major ***holes and they should never get you down. You go girl!
Your intelligence and class shine through this post; so glad I stumbled upon it. You are ROCKIN those skinny jeans, girl! Keep up the positivity. You are a wonderful role model and I will certainly keep reading!
WORD. The only point upon which I disagree is “too much perfume,” because that DOES affect other people {like myself} who are allergic. I constantly find myself having to remove myself from places and wait outside for whoever I'm with, even if it's pouring down rain, because someone wanted to dump a bottle of cologne on their heads that morning.
There are a lot of people who carry an extra 10-20+ lbs, eat well, exercise, and take care of themselves. There are also a lot of people who are underweight, never exercise, and eat junk food all day. Health is more important than weight – sometimes we get too caught up on the visibles. If a person is overweight, healthy, happy, and not gaining weight, what's the problem? They are better off than most.
Also, the societal standard for “fat” and the BMI/health standard for fat are different. I'm in the middle of the healthy BMI range but I am chubby or fat by society's standards.
Wow. Y'know, if I live to be a hundred, I don't think I'll know as much as you do.
you must be fat.
I love this! You are my new favorite person. I cannot express how much I love the things you say here, and how much I wish the rest of the world viewed life the same as we do. Much love!
This post is AWESOME. I particularly love your non-confrontational note to the person who posted your picture to that hateful group. You are my new Internet role model.
Hi Natalie, I am a bigger girl to, and after reading your post/blog i have found some comfort in knowing that there is another girl out there who is throwing it into the wind and embracing herself, still being stylish and forward thinking. I just want to thank you for that, it means alot. And, Your reply was perfect, thank you for being such a classy, sophisticated and beautiful young woman.
Love tillie.
I finally got around to reading this article. It's really brilliant and wonderful. I love the email you sent to the person who posted your photo, and I love everything you have to say here. Thanks.
Well..You know, the fat ones survived when there was little food to eat in the stone age (and also any hard times..) They didn´t have to eat so much because they had some fat in their bodies and that fat kept them warm and alive! :D
So shortly: the fatties survived and their tendency to gain weight is transmitted to their offspring.. I really do believe that to some people gaining weight is way more easier than to some (lucky) ones!! It´s in their genes.
BUT: I don´t encourage anyone to settle for being really fat because your health will suffer (diabetes etc). You can always watch your eating and do some exercise. I´m little overweight myself but I eat quite normally and jogg, swim and so on. My health is good and my weight doesn´t stop me from doing anything so I´m happy with who I am. I´m not going to lose weight just because some people doesn´t like chubby girls.
i dunno about stone age, but i do know there were no fat people in Auschwitz… if you eat more then you spend, then you'll get fat, it's simple math… be fat, i don't give a rats ass, but it's your own fault and not something you can't help.
Well, I think you look fabulous. Wish I looked as good in my skinny jeans.
Hey Morgan, I'm pretty sure those who were being persecuted at Auschwitz were being TORTURED and STARVED – they weren't 'thin', they were dying. Are you suggesting that all overweight people should subject themselves to that just so that they can appease you?
Someone (ie: this person above) has obviously never seen any of the classic art works from centuries gone by? So sad that they are just living in the little bubble that society has created for them which says OMG FAT = EXTREME BAD.
Bugger off, seriously. You are only thinking this because you have been programmed to think it. Think a little harder and step outside your box.
People can wear whatever they like, whenever they like.
Natalie you look like a million dollars in this photo! I AM JEALOUS OF YOUR STYLES!
You are so unbelievably awesome. Bravo, bravo, a million times bravo.
I've just discovered your blog via “we are the real deal” and i wanted to say you're an inspiration to all curvylicious women :)
People are just so hateful and stupid at times, i wish i were as brave and courageous as you in times like these
xx
Denigrating a person because they look different is evil.
That said, you should also recognize that “being big” is a choice you make. Right now, there are over a dozen countries in the world plagued by famine. No one there is crying that when they eat a grain of rice, they just balloon up – because it doesnt work that way.
When I see a guy doing a comb-over to 'hide' a bald spot, an elderly lady dressed like a teen pop-star, or someone wearing a mullet, I have to wonder about their level of self-awareness. Same goes for fat people wearing “skinny” clothes.
There's a big spectrum between skeletal to morbidly obese. Like it or not, there are societal standards for appropriate and inappropriate.
So please don't complain that people are being mean to you. Because YOU are putting yourself out there. When you behave like a lightning rod, dont be shocked when you're struck.
You're an inspiration! And simply awesome for taking the high road here. It never ceases to amaze me how some people cover their insecurities by putting others down. Your measured and dignified response is the only way to go!
I am wearing skinny jeans today in your honor!
Men face the same trials. I think about 15 to 20 times per day while watching the 4 hours of TV I watch, I see commercials for bowflex or some other weightlifting machine….telling me I can have the body i've always wanted.
As I sit there drinking my soda and eating my chips and salsa, I think to myself, what if I never wanted a 6 pack….what if I like my tummy? I'm not really fat I guess, according to what my friends say. I'm 6'5 and 215lbs. I guess you could say I don't look fat with clothes on, but when I take off my shirt I have a belly. And that's it…the rest of me is skinny (with muscle).
I used to do sit-ups and crunches and everything I could think of to try and get rid of it. But it doesn't work. I just have that belly. I finally gave in about 2 years ago…and now I like it. And any girl that gives me shit about it, well I don't want to know them.
My dad has a belly, I have the EXACT genetic make-up as him…i'm supposed to have it…I like to eat too much different food, I'm a chef…it's in my job description. I'm pretty sure if I quit eating all the food I love, I could achieve the washboard abs and all that…but I don't want to.
Advertising is a bitch.
Everyone knows there is a thing called bowflex….everyone knows you can work out….if you want to waste your time doing that, go ahead. I think I'll keep my body shape and join Brazillian Jujitsu instead. While I'm eating my BLT with extra mayo/cheese and extra bacon….have fun with you protein shake that tastes like CHALK…cause I'll be washing my BLT down with a double thick strawberry shake. SUPER SIZED.
Your reply was right on, and I think you look cute in those jeans :D
Hello Captain Obvious.
I have a huge problem with what you're saying, and your victim blaming. I'm a little horrified that you consider yourself in any position to advise bullied people.
In the words of the internet, FAIL.
SERIOUSLY?! How articulate, intelligent, accepting, loving, calm, broad-minded, and non-egotistical can a mortal be? You took a blaring negative, a bully who thought they were getting laughs at your expense, and gave it back to all of us as positive. TWO FOLD. To those of us that don't accept our body's and to those of us that conform and pretend to accept our bodies. (For the record, I work on both weaknesses regularly.) GLAD YOUR ON THIS BIG BALL OF OURS! Hey! Maybe someone will gather all of my posts, comments, blogs and make fun of me for being a big corny dork that shouldnt be allowed to have an internet coneection! How much do you charge as a consultant? ;)
You're gorgeous. I support ANYONE'S right to wear what makes them feel good.
The rest is just noise.
You're gorgeous. I support ANYONE'S right to wear what makes them feel good.
The rest is just noise.